bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
