What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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