I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
