just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
