she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
