you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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