I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
