While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
