you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and she was petting her beer can
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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