If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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