Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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