I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
