Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
