Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
