I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
