marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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