'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
