Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
