Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
