I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
