ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
