paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
