Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
