The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
