I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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