Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
