So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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