I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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