We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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