just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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