Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
