Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize