babies were throwing up all over the place
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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