as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
