I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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