The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
