I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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