I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
