you will always have a special place in my vag
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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