4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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