you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
