...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
