I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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