Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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