I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You're like the curious george of whores
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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