careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
