Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
