I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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