My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
