Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
