I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
