The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
