I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
