I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
