Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
