totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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