Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
