God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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