His pubic hair was longer than his dick
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
