Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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