if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
