Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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