this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
