I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
