ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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