Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
