I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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