Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
