Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?

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(303): View more from Colorado

hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.

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(785): View more from Kansas

There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?

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(912): View more from Georgia

Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.

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(+61): View more from Australia

A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM

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(631): View more from New York

First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture

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