i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I pour the whiskey from now on
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
