i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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