hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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