Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
