I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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