Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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