I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
