Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
