what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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