I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I came so hard my ears popped.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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