wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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